Should I Bend Over Backwards to Make Someone Like Me?

Let's kick things off with a straightforward question: what does it actually mean to bend over backward to please someone? Sure, I've often talked about using eye contact to attract interest, letting your unique personality shine, or hanging out where single people actually go. But have I ever told you to turn yourself into a human yes-man, executing every single thing you think your crush might possibly want?

Hardly! And honestly, you'd be shocked to learn your new partner isn't looking for a free maid or an on-call handyman just because they invited you over to their place. Early on in a budding romance, the last thing anyone is looking for is a full-time caregiver…

If you want to win someone over and keep them hooked, it's infinitely more effective to let them naturally discover the real you—the depths beneath the surface, even if you aren't actively trying to hide anything. Do you really think they care whether you're a domestic pro or a DIY wizard? Not a chance! If you rush out to prove those skills right off the bat, you'll instantly kill the magic, sending any fledgling romance running for the hills.

So why fold yourself in half…?

Are you genuinely that terrified of losing them or stepping on their toes that you're willing to completely sacrifice your own routine? You might only be on your second date, yet you're already incapable of uttering a single "NO" to whatever whim crosses their mind!

Do you honestly believe self-abandonment is a prerequisite for attraction? Are you banking on the idea that showering them with compliance will somehow earn their devotion? And let's be real—could you ever truly find happiness in a dynamic where your entire world shrinks down to revolve exclusively around one person?

Bending to their every whim—to what end?

Take a hard look at this, because it's a vital reality check: while your motives might vary, playing the absolute pleaser is rarely a winning dating strategy. If you constantly cave to every demand—or what you *imagine* their demands are—you might wake up a few years down the track living with a stranger you don't even recognize.

You'll have spent so much energy orbiting someone else's desires that the day you finally snap back to reality, you'll realize they're nowhere near the soulmate you thought you signed up for. Caught up in the high of those early days, it's easy to assume you're immune to this trap, but it happens all the time…

That's why your number-one priority right now needs to be cultivating independence. Real, mutual affection can never thrive in an environment built on quiet submission. Playing the submissive yes-person who exists only to please has nothing to do with genuine love, successful seduction, or long-term commitment. Look, your partner is amazing, and let's not forget that you are too. So while you're out there hunting for the one, remember to stay anchored in your own wants and needs.

As I always say, fear is usually just a disguised desire—and it's your own personal desires you need to start listening to. Once you figure out how to make yourself happy, attracting the right person becomes second nature.