The Art of Conversation: Tailoring Your Approach to Different Women

Have you ever noticed how differently women react to the same conversation? In reality, there are three types of "representational systems" that determine a person's entire way of communicating and reacting.

We each have a dominant system, but few of us know how to distinguish them. With a woman, it goes without saying that if you learn to identify how she functions, you will be able to adapt your language and align closely with her thoughts, which will make you unique in her eyes.

The visual woman

When you talk to her, she needs to create mental images, to visualize what you are telling her.
A visual girl will therefore use the entire lexical field of imagery. She is very sensitive to appearance, to "beauty," and likes to attract attention. During a conversation, she pays more attention to your gestures and your facial expressions than to the exact content of what you are saying.

The language of the visual person: "I see... it's a bit like... it looks like... it's clear... it's not sharp... at first glance... obviously... illustrate... illusion... objective... visibly..."

How to talk to her:

• Use comparisons, metaphors, and imagery-related language.
  "My boss looks like Bruce Willis, my apartment is decorated like a Zen Buddhist temple, etc."
• As soon as you tell her something, give her examples.
  "I paint, a bit in the style of Van Gogh, you know, his still lifes, well, it's just like that..."
• Provide concrete details about shapes, colors, and textures.
• Pay attention to your style, because she memorizes how you are dressed, your gestures, etc.

To avoid

• Talking too fast, stringing ideas together without giving her time to form an image of what you are telling her.
• Staying purely theoretical, without relying on examples.

The language of the kinesthetic person: "common sense... contact... have a knack for... feet on the ground... feel... warmth... heavy... emotion... experience."

How to talk to her:

• Whenever you tell her something, don't just describe the places and the action in detail. Set the scene, describe yourself in the act of living that memory.
• When she talks to you, ask her many questions.
• "And what did you do then?... how did you react?... what did you say to him?"

To avoid:

• Even more so than with a visual person, if you talk to her without giving any examples or details, the kinesthetic person will simply be unable to follow you.

The auditory person

Just like the visual person, the auditory person is focused on one sense: hearing. In other words, everything you say to her remains in the form of words. An auditory person likes to learn by heart, often talks to herself, and has a very abstract mind. She thinks a lot and has a great capacity for concentration, if the subject interests her. The auditory person has difficulty picking up on non-verbal signals and understanding subtext; she needs to hear things clearly: "That reminds me... I remember... I've heard that somewhere before... you already told me that... of course... lend an ear... speak... say... listen."

How to talk to her:

• Talk a lot, because she records everything you tell her.
• Monitor her reactions, test subjects, and you should easily see what interests her.
• Appeal to her memory: "do you remember, I told you..."
• Give her compliments, tell her what you think of her.
• As a general rule: do everything you shouldn't do with a visual person.

To avoid:

• Giving her too many examples, because she doesn't need to visualize what you are telling her.
• Betting everything on appearance: an auditory person will form an opinion of you based on what she hears, rather than what she sees.
• As a general rule: do not do what you should do with a visual person.

To summarize, let's take a concrete example: You say, "I got back from the weekend last night at eleven o'clock in the rain." The auditory person hears this sentence exactly as it is. The visual person visualizes you arriving home at eleven o'clock, soaking wet. The kinesthetic person imagines you walking, soaking wet, she hears the sound of the rain outside, she sees you opening the door and seeing eleven o'clock on the clock...

At first, don't hesitate to apply these methods to your friends and family; you will see that with a little attention, the signs of belonging to each mode of thought are glaringly obvious.
Based on these clues, you will be able to classify each girl into one of these three categories, in an almost infallible way. From there, it's up to you to take advantage of this edge to know exactly how to talk to her, and hit the mark.