Mastering the Art of Approaching Women

This is our first article dedicated to the opening, known as "openers" in the dating world. No matter your favorite pickup method, you'll eventually need to approach a woman or a group.

Why talk about opening types first? Because over the past few years, I've noticed that 90% of guys approach by:

Giving a compliment, like, "Hi, I have to say I think you're really gorgeous." While this can definitely work—and is actually one of the opening styles I'll cover later in this article—the catch is that it demands a solid dose of self-confidence and top-tier body language, which most beginners lack.

Falling back on one of the worst clichés out there: buying a girl a drink before even speaking to her. If this is your go-to move, drop the habit right now. It leads to zero results 99.9% of the time.

That being said, here are the main types of approaches:

The Functional Opening

This is the simplest approach, which involves asking for something trivial, like "Do you have the time?" or "How do I get to...?"

The upside is that it works almost every time—practically any girl will answer you without hesitation. The downside is that it doesn't lead to much, and transitioning smoothly into a normal conversation afterward can be pretty tricky.

Even so, it's a great warm-up technique to break the ice at a party. It's also an incredible approach when you're abroad, since the mere fact that you aren't approaching a woman in her native tongue instantly gives you an easy conversation starter about where you're from.

Asking for an Opinion

This simply means walking up to a group and asking for their take on a specific topic. In theory, you can ask about pretty much anything—this is your chance to let your imagination run wild! Just try to avoid yes-or-no questions, otherwise you'll struggle to keep the conversation flowing.

This is easily the top recommendation for beginners. Because you're coming in from a totally neutral standpoint, the group won't instantly view you as a threat (unlike the classic "Can I buy you a drink?", which immediately lays all your cards on the table).

A few examples:

"My friend Arnaud here (point to your friend) just broke up with his girlfriend. How long should he wait before asking out her best friend?"
"Is kissing someone else considered cheating?" (A bit basic, but it still works every time.)

The Situational Opening

This approach is straightforward: you use an element of your immediate surroundings to start a conversation. It could be what she's drinking, the music playing in the venue, and so on. It sounds easy enough, but keep two quick things in mind:

This technique is also widely used by guys who have never read a single dating guide in their lives. Because of that, try to be genuinely creative with it.

Most importantly, you need to be spontaneous. If you spot an opening right in front of you, go for it immediately without second-guessing yourself.

The Universal Approach

Or how to approach without relying on any specific tricks. I remember discussing different pickup strategies with beginner friends, particularly the opinion opener, and they would always end up asking me: "Okay, but... what do I actually say?"

If you've ever asked yourself that exact question right before making a move, this approach is made for you. Are you ready? Here is the absolute foolproof line to use when inspiration totally fails you.

"Hi."

That's it. That's literally everything. But again, a quick warning! This type of approach must be backed up by unbreakable self-confidence and stellar body language.

The Direct Approach

Finally, we have the direct approach. This involves lines like:

"I think you're stunning and I just had to come over and talk to you."
"You're the only girl in this room I was actually interested in."

While this can be the most effective method, it's also the riskiest. With a direct approach, the person has to make an instant decision on whether or not they want to take things further. At that exact moment, aside from your outfit and the words you just said, she knows next to nothing about you. Needless to say, mastering your body language is an absolute must here.

Overcoming Approach Anxiety Once and for All

The number one hurdle for most novices is the fear of approaching due to the dread of rejection. It's easy to get sucked into a vicious cycle: you spot a group you want to talk to, you walk closer, and then at the last possible second, you chicken out because your brain starts spitting out a million excuses. *She's not even that pretty anyway. It's not worth it. She's with a guy, he's definitely her boyfriend.* Just like that, you walk away. Your motivation takes a hit, making it even harder to approach the next group, which leads to another retreat, and so on. Before you know it, you've completely drained yourself of the motivation needed to make a move.

Why do we invent all these bogus reasons to hold back? It's simply a natural defense mechanism our brains use to keep us out of awkward situations, like having to talk to a circle of complete strangers. It's the exact same adrenaline rush and hesitation you'd feel right before going bungee jumping.

So, how do you beat it? The secret is indifference. You're a cool guy who knows who he is and what he wants, right? Now, imagine spending an entire night getting rejected by every single group you approach. It probably wouldn't be the best night of your life. But did it actually change who you are as a person? Obviously, no.

That's why you need to tackle every single situation with total indifference toward the outcome. Not only does this instantly kill your anxiety—since the result simply doesn't matter—but that mindset of total nonchalance is also EXTREMELY attractive to women.

It’s a Group Dynamic

Another flaw in many pickup methods is that they only teach you how to target a single woman. But seriously, when was the last time you saw a girl standing completely alone in a bar or nightclub? It's pretty rare.

That means you need to learn how to handle groups. First rule: never approach head-on by walking straight across the room and locking eyes with your target. It's intimidating, and you're practically guaranteed an instant rejection. Always approach slightly from the side, talking over your shoulder without slouching or leaning in awkwardly. Speak clearly enough so the whole group hears you—practice at home if you need to.

Another common mistake is talking exclusively to your main target within the group. Imagine you approach a group of five girls at a party and hit it off with your target. Sounds great, right? Except an hour later, the group decides to leave. Because you didn't build any rapport with the rest of her friends, you suddenly find yourself standing alone without even getting her phone number.

As soon as you approach a group, deliver your opener to EVERYONE, guys included. Better yet, don't target your main crush right away. If she's the most attractive girl in the group—which is totally normal—start by chatting up her less striking friend first. It will instantly throw your target off balance, since she's completely used to being approached first every single time.

What's Next?

Now it's time to transition from a simple opener into a normal conversation with the group. But we'll cover that in our next article. In the meantime, get out there and practice your approaches!